A Love Letter To Chase Utley
Dear Chase:
I hope you don’t mind me writing so often! I left some messages on what I think is your number (you wouldn’t BELIEVE what I had to do to get it), but you haven’t called. I know you’re SUPER busy, but I just wanted to hear your voice, you know?
I was so proud to hear you hit your tenth home run yesterday! You’re really having a SUPER AWESOME season. So much better than that Ryan Howard guy who made them give him all that money. Ten million dollars, and his OPS is .652? Ridiculous!
I shouldn’t tell you this, but today at lunch I wrote “Mrs. Matthew Utley” all over the cover of my notebook. It just looks so PERFECT, you know? I mean, it just DOES!!! right?
Anyway, I just wanted to say HI! Write or call back soon! Or, you know, look me up on Facebook, I would TOTALLY friend you but I can’t find you. Not sure if you’re not on there, or what. How could someone not be on Facebook? It’s like 2008 or something! Ha ha!
Love,
Me
Funny…that bastard is not returning my calls either!