matthearn.com

I’ll admit: I did not follow the directions to the letter. I have a number of tools powered by 2-cycle engines, and experience starting them in adverse conditions (rain, snow, etc.), so I assumed that my brand-ass new Husqvarna leafblower would operate similarly. So I took the can of fuel (a 50 to 1 gasoline and oil mixture that I refill approximately every 2 years) and poured it in. Yanked the starter, and she fired right up! I blew leaves around in great glee for 10 or 15 minutes, and then shut the blower down to bag the leaves up.

After having done so, I attempted to restart the blower, but no matter what combination of choke, throttle, and priming I tried, it wouldn’t fire. I consulted the manual and the internet, and discovered that the engine was picky about fuel. To be specific, it required exactly the right mixture of new gasoline (no older than a month), Husqvarna-specific 2-cycle oil, a stabilizer, and three unicorn tears, stirred exactly 47 times counter-clockwise with a phoenix feather. My first thought was, “Well, this is ridiculous. I’ll just send it back.” Which is where I discovered my mistake: I’d ordered the blower from Amazon.com, and they do not allow you to send things back that run on gasoline.

In their defense, I think one leaky tank of flammable petrol in the belly of a FedEx jet is one too many. So I understand. What I don’t understand is why no warning was made of this anywhere in the ordering process. Sure, if you check their rules, it mentions it, along with 18 other pages of legalese that no Amazon customer in the history of the internet has read. It’s like expecting me to know what’s in the iTunes EULA, or my mortgage contract (“Be it known forthwith after the previous payment hath been twice En-late-enated, the Mortgageer, henceforth known as the ‘Deadbeat,’ shall release unto the custody of the nearest Notary Public Two (3) Children between the ages of 1 and 7 until such time as the Bacon shall be seen to Float from East to West despite a strengthening Jet Stream…”). I would like to think that before ordering something that can’t be returned, Amazon might put up a splash page saying “Hey! You know you can’t return this, right? Just, you know, so you know.”

So I was left with a deluxe backpack leafblower with what I assume is a clogged carburetor and no way to return it. My only option was to drop it off at a local dealer a few miles away and hope that the repairs are covered under warranty. It’s been almost 10 days with no word, which worries me a bit. Hopefully they haven’t had to surrender it to the bank for late payment.