Earthquakes and Hurricanes and Bears, oh my
Holy natural disaster week, Batman! First we get the strongest earthquake on the East Coast in over 60 years, and then this weekend we’re getting treated to a Category 4 hurricane this weekend. Hearnwife, who loves a good disaster (she once forced me to watch a movie entitled “Atomic Twister,” which was as painful as it sounds, although in her defense Mark-Paul Gosselaar was in it and he’s so dreamy Freud has a chapter about him in Die Traumdeutung), is so excited she’s having trouble controlling her bladder, although that also because she’s 8 months pregnant with what we can only assume, based on how hard he kicks, is a wallaby.
(Here’s how you can tell Matt Hearn is back in the blogging groove:
- One paragraph with 17 million links
- A 79 word run-on sentence
- A lengthy, pointless parenthetical remark
- A numbered list
Sadly, it turns out some Washington, DC landmarks sustained damage. The Washington Monument and Smithsonian Castle are both closed pending repairs and structural analysis, and the spires of the National Cathedral got straight jacked-up, son, although at least it happened yesterday instead of, say, early July when I was singing there, so on the plus side I do not have a gargoyle-shaped dent in my cranium.
We’re all particularly excited by the prospect of Irene, since it looks like we’ll be travelling while it passes through, so we get both the thrilling possibility of being blown off the road into a bridge abutment and minimal traffic because everyone with any damn sense is staying home. As an added bonus, I’ve still got plenty of big trees available to fall onto my house in high winds.
In case you’re curious about the best way to prepare for a hurricane, it turns out it’s also the best way to prepare for a big snowstorm, and handily enough, also earthquakes and riots of soccer hooligans: the makings of french toast (stale bread, milk, eggs, and honey), a flashlight or two, and at least two cases of really fine india pale ale. In the case of hooligan riot, you might also invest in a shotgun, or at least a big katana.
