Plumber’s cleavage
Dear Moen company in specific, and plumbing enterprises in general:
You know what would be nice? If you could be consistent with your connections. Or, barring that, you could clearly label your stuff so that poor schlubs like me don’t discover, as I did last night, that the expensive new kitchen faucet I bought doesn’t fricking fit.
Our kitchen faucet has been falling apart for months; it, like the one replacing it, has a built-in sprayer, a function I like very much, but something funny popped loose such that only the spray mode works now. It’s fine for washing dishes, but kinda sucky for, say, filling a water bottle. So, I decided to replace it. Went to , bought the aforementioned faucet, brought it home.
I lucked out in that we have a split sink, and the faucet sits right on the divider of the basin, so it was reachable from underneath, which meant I didn’t have to go and buy a basin wrench. After much cursing and dripping of hot water into my left eye, I managed to get the old faucet off, and tossed it aside with much élan.
I unpacked the new one, and discovered that the instructions are entirely in picture form, which I guess is great if you can’t read, but doesn’t do much to answer basic questions, such as for example why the faucet had 1/2″ threaded male connectors, when the old one had 3/8″ threaded female.
The new one doesn’t fit. It’s not just a matter of being the wrong size; as I posted on Facebook, both the faucet and the supply connections are male, and neither is willing to go gay for the other and make the whole thing work. (As one wag pointed out, I have to find a couple of lesbians to get in the middle of them, although in my limited experience, the only time two lesbians get in the middle of two men is when they’re breaking up an argument at a softball game.)
Lowe’s supposedly has flexible connectors to solve the problem, but
- They vary widely in price, from $4 apiece to $30. No idea what I’m going to have to buy.
- Most of the pictures on the Lowe’s website don’t match the product. Does this look like a 3/8″ C x 1/2″ FIP x 20″ stainless steel faucet connector to you?
Don’t the ends look like…the same size? And does it appear to be 20″ long?
Since I can’t take the supply connections out of the wall to screw them into a connector and see, I’ve brought the old faucet to just sort of hold next to it and compare, and the new one to actually screw on and verify. If it doesn’t work, I’m going to assault someone, since I’ve already thrown parts of the old faucet in the garbage, and I have no idea where the receipt is for the $180 faucet I purchased.
So if you hear about a Lowe’s in northern Delaware burning to the ground, um…I actually will have had nothing to do with that.
