matthearn.com

I will admit that we are a “Dancing With The Stars” household, as well as a “So You Think You Can Dance” household. Sarah’s a dancer, so it’s sort of obvious that she enjoys them, but I like them as well, oddly. On the other hand, I can’t watch “American Idol” or “The Voice” for more than about 30 seconds before I get so angry that I fling things at the TV. I have figured out why all this is: I’m a musician, specifically a singer. So when other people “sing” on TV, I know they suck. I can hear that they sing slightly off-key, that they don’t know anything about phrasing or diction, even though the bulk of viewers cannot. When I watch dancing shows, I can’t really tell what sets apart a great dancer from one who is merely competent, I just know that a dude flung a chick through his legs and then leapt* backwards over her while peeling off the outer layer of his costume to reveal his extremely ripped physique, just as the girl catches him with her feet and maybe accidentally a little bit of boob falls out for a second.

None of that is relevant to what I’m about to say. The take-away: we like the dancing shows, we Hearns.

Anyway, there’s quite a hilarious uproar going on over at the DWTS (that’s Dancing With The Stars for you un-fans) Cast Announcement page. You see, Chaz Bono is participating in this year’s competition. Chaz is famous for two things: being Sonny and Cher’s son, and until a little over a year ago, being Sonny and Cher’s daughter. That’s right, DTWS is having a transgender competitor!

Now, those of us who are rational human beings think this is either a non-event, or possibly an indicator that maybe network TV is nearly entering the 21st century on the subject of LGBT issues. Those of us who are not rational human beings are predicting the end of the world and/or a general boycott of the show. Some of the better comments:

_cindyk52

1 hour ago

Irregardless of all that is said; with both sides hammering away at each other with their opinions; the bottom line is, for me, Chastity Bono has made her choice to flaunt her lifestyle out into the world, and now I make my choice to not watch DWTS. God says her choice is an abomination, and I will honor what the Creator of the universe has commanded. She needs to repent and get right with God.

“Irregardless!” Classic. This one’s tip-top too:

mamafranof4

7 hours ago

I have not missed a season of dancing with the stars, but this one I will not watch until Chasty is voted out, God created a women and God does not make mistakes,God is very loving to his people ,but is very clear about hating sin, and it is very clear in the Bible that if YOU lay down with the same sex you will burn in hell. So who do we pick God or Dancing with the stars( HUM LET ME THINK)

I think this is the best of the bunch:

zorinsecurity

1 hour ago

Well let’s get to the point.Chaz is a women.DNA says so.No matter how many bmw emblems you put on a honda doesn’t make it a bmw.Call the dmv. Ponder this.If there was a crime and they had chaz dna.what would they be looking for? wait for it….. WOMEN. She has a mental disorder.She thanks she is a man,lol Next week maybe she will thank she is a dog.

I’d like to remind you that “zorinsecurity,” whoever s/he is, is almost certainly eligible to vote. Not just in DWTS, but in actual American political elections. Just, you know, pointing that out.

The best part are the replies, mostly from open-minded folks, simply tearing these people apart. For example, here are some replies to zorinsecurity’s last post:

LIGHT2YOU

50 minutes ago

Actually…Not. Your ignorance is showing. Go read up on the subject.

Just.DFax

35 minutes ago

Transgender is not a mental illness, look it up. A lack of education and understanding leads to fear, which leads to hate. The cure is education. If you read up on the subject, the fear will go away and maybe you’ll cure yourself of the hate… and maybe even your English.

VermillionR

1 hour ago

Your spelling and grammar should make you think a little harder the next time you post something online…

I haven’t chimed in yet, because I try to avoid interacting with the catastrophically stupid, but y’all are welcome to. Have at it!

(Personally, I’ll be supporting Carson Kressley, that guy KILLS me.)

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*I’m a little annoyed that Firefox doesn’t know the word “leapt.” Ain’t nobody down with archaicisms. (It also doesn’t know the word “archaicism,” possibly because it’s not a word.)

Oh yes. This happened.

You’re right, I have had professional vocal training!

The Tell-Tale Heart was the first story I ever remember reading that actually scared me. At some point I got into some crazy Lovecraftian stuff, like all extra-literate teenagers, but I remember reading The Tell-Tale Heart in about the 5th grade, in class in the middle of the day, and shivering. Ol’ Edgar Allen was a messed up individual.

Of course, so is Randall Munroe.

(What? I disappeared for almost 2 months and then suddenly 2 posts in two days? I have no earthly idea what you are talking about, crazy person.)

Heehee snark snark snark!

I know, I know, all I’ve been doing lately is posting links to silly pointless crap, but at least this way I’m not leaving the site unattended for weeks at a time. Once again this year I’m caught up in musical theatre, and it sucks up a lot of time. We’re doing Fiddler on the Roof! It’s actually pretty rad. Anyway, here’s today’s pointless link to ensure that I don’t have to waste time thinking about words. I found it extremely hilarious, which should not surprise you since it’s pretty dumb:

To celebrate my birthday (I’m old! Again!), I’ve decided to spend Superbowl Sunday sending my body into shock and possibly dying on a beach. It’s for charity, though, so it’s all good. That’s right: I’m participating in the Lewes Polar Bear Plunge, which takes place not in Lewes, but Rehoboth. (Makes sense.) If you would like to sponsor my insanity, which supports the Special Olympics, greatly appreciated donations can be made here. Thanks!

A flip of the beanie to Andrew for this’n:

‘Tis bettet to give than receive, says Scott Meyer:

Highlarious.

You like number games? Sudoku? Ken-Ken? Then take Numbrix to the house. You’ll be glad you did! Also you’ll be ensmarten’d.

It’s the most craziest tiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeear! Also: It’s gettin’, it’s gettin’, it’s gettin’ kinda hectic. We’re trying to take the kids to as much cool holiday stuff as possible, so Saturday we dragged both urchins and both of Sarah’s parents to the Auburn Heights Preserve, which I honestly had never even heard of despite living in Delaware for 30 years. They have 1/8-scale steam-powered trains to sit on and ride around (they are not what I would describe as “Pullman-car comfortable,” but still fun), and what is probably the largest collection of steam-powered Stanley automobiles around. Did I take pictures? You bet your sweet patoot.