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I don’t know what I thought was going to pop up at the end, but I nearly screamed out loud. I’m going to have nightmares about this for weeks. (h/t AS.)

After yesterday’s post about the Brushes iPhone app, I discovered that there is a Flickr group devoted to the art produced by this wondrous application. Holy cow:

So after reading about how the June 1st New Yorker cover was drawn entirely on the iPhone, I knew I had to get in on that. The app for it is called Brushes, costs $4.99 (same cost as the magazine itself), and is superior to the other drawing programs I’ve tried for the simple reasons that the brushes have texture (hence the name), and you can adjust the opacity as you paint. Keeping in mind that I am a HORRIBLE artist and still-lifes of boxes are about all I can manage, check it out:

Gained a pound since yesterday. I guess that’s the Good Sweet Lord Crying Baby Jesus burning me for enjoying a single beer last night, despite finishing the day 300 calories under my 2-pounds-a-week rate. (By which I mean: in order for a 265 pound man to lose 2 pounds in a week, I need to take in approximately 2231 calories per day; yesterday I ate 2235, but also burned about 323 calories exercising.) Still, I’ve been good so far today, including a long walk over lunch, and I’ve done a little research at work into tasty recipes with minimal calories.

I came across this one, from Alton Brown: Vegetable Curry. Some calculation seems to indicate it has less than 700 calories in the entire recipe, which purports to contain two normal-human servings. Obviously I’ll just eat the entire thing in one sitting and then look around for more, just like I do with bacon. Still, it starts with a pound of frozen veggies, yogurt, a little vegetable oil, and that’s about it from a calorie perspective. It calls for about thumbnail-scoop of sugar and a bit of cornstarch, not enough to greatly affect the diety-awesomeness. The end result is probably about a pound of deliciousness! I’m super-excited to try and make it.

Meanwhile, my father’s day present has arrived a few weeks early: a basketball hoop! I’m hoping to

1. Lose a little weight slammin’ and jammin’ in the driveway


2. Teach Charles an unstoppable pull-up jumper


3. Try not to injure myself.

I intend to assemble it this weekend; if you are ready to go one-on-one against the unstoppable basketball force that is The Hearn, you just let me know, player. And prepare to be sweated on. (I mean that quite literally.)

Wow, really? I never would have known. (Full disclosure: I hate American Idol and believe it to be the reason that America is going to hell in a handbasket.)

This ad, by Zach Galifianakis and a couple of his friends, is highly effective, and completely terrifying.

Gene Weingarten, with his usual wit, explains the filibuster:

Okay, say the Yankees and the Orioles are tied in the bottom of the ninth inning, but the Yanks have the bases loaded with nobody out, and the count on the batter is three balls, no strikes. The O’s are facing imminent defeat, but their pitcher is a wily veteran. He just stands on the mound, fidgeting and spitting and scratching himself for 22 hours and 34 minutes, refusing to throw the ball, until the umpires call the game a draw.

On the other hand, forcing the Senate to require 60 votes to do anything does probably have the effect of keeping the Senate from doing anything. That’s a win, in my book.

Grilled cheese is pretty delicious, I have to say. Probably my favorite, uh, meal. (Read the comments, they are fantastic.)

I lost 6 pounds in one day! Of course, it was water-weight, whatever that is, so I still don’t fit properly into pants. Still, if you ever find yourself needing to lose 2% of your body mass in 24 hours, here is how you do it:

• 0630 – Wake up and step on the scale. Realize that you have become a small, lesser-fang’d walrus. Curse under your breath, and vow to fix the problem.


• 0800 – Eat your first “meal” of the day: a bagel with a small amount of butter. Fill your water bottle.


• 0900 – Fill your water bottle again. (I should probably point out that you must drink the water, not just pour it out before refilling it.)


• 1000 – Eat a banana. Look longingly at your boss’s bag of candy, but will yourself to merely fill your water bottle again, and maybe cry a little inside.


• 1130 – Go to the cafeteria for a salad; discover that they have “curry cauliflower,” which consists of, get ready for this: cauliflower with curry powder on it. Ice-cold. Purchase a pint of it and inhale it in under 45 seconds, along with a 20oz Diet Coke.


• 1200 – Go for an hour-long walk outside in the sweltering weather, get a sunburn, and saturate your clothing with disgusting sweat.


• 1300-1500 – Eat a large garden salad consisting of a crapload of vegetables, one egg, and a drizzle of olive oil and vinegar.


• 1500 – Eat a cheese stick. It’s the heaviest thing to hit your stomach in hours, and will feel like a moist brick.


• 1600 – Reward yourself with exactly 16 wheat thin crackers. It will be the worst reward since Keyser Soze thanked Dean Keaton for his help by shooting him in the face.


• 1700 – Leave work, pick up your offspring. He will demand that you go to “Red Robin.” Mutter a few lesser oaths.


• 1800 – Go to Red Robin. Get a California Chicken “Burger” with fries, totalling approximately 1400 calories. Eat half of the sandwich, and half the fries. Get really snippy because your stomach is digesting itself.


• 2100 – Eat the remainder of the sandwich and fries.


• 0000 – Go to bed, hungry as if you hadn’t eaten a thing all day. Do as many pushups as you can manage (11) to try and get your mind off of the debilitating lust for food. (Fail.)

That’s all you have to do! Warning: it really sucks.

This looks…unpleasant.