matthearn.com

I’ve had this funny spot in my vision for a couple days, and also I haven’t seen an optometrist in roughly ever, so I scheduled an appointment to have my peepers examined yesterday. I’m the only person of my age that I know who doesn’t wear any kind of corrective lenses, but recently things have been…not necessarily blurry, but definitely less well-focused than they were ten years ago. It was time.

I knew the basic drill from what my various friends and family reported, so I read off the letters and words and impressed the hell out of the technician by reading the bottom line of the close-up card without even squinting. Then Dr. Nguyen came in and we got down to Business. He put the big metal Mardi Gras mask in front of me and started twisting dials, checked for astigmatism, all that good stuff. Then he grabbed some eyedrops off the shelf, which I assumed were to dilate my eyes, but instead he said “These are a bit of anesthetic, they may sting a bit,” and quickly dropped them in before I could ask “what exactly are you about to do that might cause me pain?” which turned out to be an important unasked question.

Then he flipped off the lights and used another tool with a bright blue light to look at my eyes, and tossed off the following sentence like he was asking a waiter for an extra spoon: “I’m going to press this blue light against your eyeball. Open your eyes wide.”

You’re going to do what now?

Hey, uh, could you not, um…okay, bright blue light, getting closer, that’s close enough, OKAY PLEASE STOP PRESSING THE BLUE LIGHT AGAINST MY EYEBALL and he pulled it away.

“Now for the other one!”

Um…do we have to, uh…wait…wait…no…BRIGHT BLUE LIGHT AGAINST MY EYEBALL AGAIN TOTALLY NOT COOL and we were done.

“Ocular pressure’s totally normal.” Yeah, thanks for that.

Also thanks to everyone who had had this procedure done but didn’t warn me that SOLID OBJECTS WOULD BE PRESSING DIRECTLY AGAINST MY PUPILS. Awesome times.

After that, he did dilate my eyes, and to rule out a neurological reason for the funny spot in my vision, he had a technician do a peripheral vision test which I passed with flying colors. After my pupils were as big as pupils have any business getting, he shined a painfully bright light around my retinas for a while.

“Okay…first of all, your vision’s 20/15. You don’t need glasses.”

Just like Ted Williams!

“I do see a little scarring on your retina…” (Perhaps from the fact that you just shined an automobile headlight into my eyeball? Just throwing that out there.) “…but that’s normal.”

The funny spot is probably just the eyeball equivalent of a bruise, and will probably disappear soon. Yay! I don’t have eyeball cancer or syphilis or something!

“We’ll see you next year for another appointment!”

Great, ’cause it’ll take me that long to forget what it was like to have A BRIGHT BLUE LIGHT PRESSED AGAINST MY CORNEA.

This cat is much smarter and far more fit than any of mine:

Wow. The Penny Arcade guys got into quite the argument yesterday (warning: Naughty Words) on the topic of guys taking classes to learn how to manipulate women. At one point Gabe is accused of molesting unconscious women, to which he basically responds that it was “Asleep Style” sex, which is totally different.

Here’s something that occurred to me last night whilst falling asleep: what do the various new healthcare insurance reform bills say about pre-existing conditions? The standard view seems to be that insurance companies shouldn’t be able to deny claims on that basis, since it certainly does look bad on TV when someone appears and says “I had cancer, and Blue Cross Blue Shield wouldn’t cover my treatment!” because BCBS says “Oh, you had cancer before you signed up.” Obviously, if the person didn’t know she had cancer, that’s BS.

But it certainly is a problem for an insurance company if someone avoids getting coverage because they can’t afford it or just don’t feel like spending money on it, and then they find out they have a serious medical problem, and they sign up for healthcare to get free treatment. Obviously the company isn’t going to want to pay for this, and I’m not very excited about what it would do to the premiums of even a public plan. Since President Obama’s thoughts on the subject seem to be that no one is going to be forced to get healthcare, but that no one should be denied coverage based on having a pre-existing condition, what’s to stop me from just cancelling coverage on my entire family and then buying it when one of us gets sick?

Reading the above, you might think I’m against the public option. Not at all. I don’t think it goes far enough; I think we need single-payer, ideally in the French style, which allows for additional coverage to be purchased from private insurers (in the way many companies offer coverage to seniors to go along with Medicare). Unfortunately, that’s off the table.

Anybody have any answers?

Andrew posts an email from a reader:

I was struck by two different views of America yesterday. On the one hand the Town Hall protesters who seemed elderly,white,scared and come across as unwilling to listen, and on the other hand the two freed journalists who seemed young,with ethnically diverse families and friends, and came across as generous and open minded.

The first group has become emblematic of the Republican party. The second group were surrounded by Democrats. Is there any doubt which party is winning the battle for the future?

I ain’t sayin’. I’m just sayin’.

Got to go see the Phils yesterday, for the first time all season. Better yet, the ticket was free, thanks to my buddy Noah and his ill-timed Cancun vacation. I would have pressed harder to pay him for the ticket, but at game-time it was raining and I’m pretty sure he was laying on a beach drinking something alcoholic and fruity through a straw placed within 3 inches of his face.

I had to drive up to his apartment building in Philadelphia to pick up the ticket, but still arrived at CB Park at around 12:30. I found my seat and admired the view you see above. A “Phillies Alumni Batting Challenge” was taking place, featuring retired stars from the 1980 and 1993 teams, specifically Mitch Williams, Dicky Noles, Ricky Jordan, Ricky Bottalico, Milt Thompson, and Jim Eisenreich, who got the biggest ovation. I enjoyed watching that, particular Mitch Williams, who demonstrated why he was a pitcher; he swings like Babe Ruth’s wife.

I wandered off to get beer and hot dogs, and came back to enjoy further festivities, such as introducing a bunch of elementary kids who took positions on the field for no apparent reason, and the presenting of the color guard. About 30 seconds before the National Anthem, Noah’s buddy Josh, the owner of the other seat in their pair of season tickets, arrived. We chatted about how we each knew Noah, and it turned out we both grew up in Wilmington. Small talk.

To my right was a young couple, the female of which was quite hot, and the male of which was drunk, and even had he been sober he would have been an utter douchebucket. At least he wasn’t loud or aggressive, but he sure cursed a lot. I’m a guy that likes my cursing, and I do quite a share of it myself, but I try to avoid it around people I don’t know and/or children.

The game started nicely, with Jamie Moyer getting 3 relatively quick outs in the first and the Phils scoring a run in a strange situation; Jimmy Rollins got a leadoff single, then Shane Victorino walked, Utley hit a deep fly that moved Jimmy over to third, and then Ryan Howard did the same thing to bring Jimmy home, but Shane had strayed too far from first base and got doubled up in a close play. Charlie Manuel (the manager, if you’re under a rock) came out to argue that Cantu had bobbled the catch at first, to no avail.

Unfortunately, things went downhill; the Phils found themselves down 3-1, and then 6-1, on a series of squib singles just over the infielders heads. Apparently the home plate umpire was inconsistent with balls and strikes, and eventually Shane Victorino got tired of it; Chan Ho Park, on the mound in relief, threw an 0-2 pitch right on the corner for a ball, and Shane, in center field at the time, apparently threw his arms in the air in disgust. The ump had heard enough, and tossed him.

The infielders surrounded the ump to argue, which was good because Shane came flying in from center field like a terror, apparently intending to tackle the ump, but ran into catcher Paul Bako first, who dragged him to the dugout. The game continued, but the fans were incensed. Between every pitch, every inning, any time there was silence, they booed the ump. It was merciless. Later, when things were still looking poor for the home team, the infield and catcher assembled on the mound for a conference, and after a time the ump walked out to break it up and get the game moving; the fans tore into him. I hope he made it to his car after the game.

I can honestly say I have never seen a player get thrown out from center field. Sadly, I can report I’ve seen the Phils get routed before; they lost 12-3.

John Hughes died yesterday. He was slightly older than my parents, which means he was too young. I am not qualified to comment on his life and work, so I point you to someone who is.

Bill Simmons went to the National Sports Collectors Convention (NatSpoColCon?) and saw some crazy stuff, as well as spent a lot of money:

A whoopin’!

Sandy Koufax’s high school yearbook:

I don’t know what this is, but I’m scared of it.

In case you don’t watch Keith Olbermann (for which I can’t really blame you, he’s a blowhard, although that doesn’t mean he’s wrong), you may have missed his show the other night, in which he tore into elected officials on both sides of the aisle for opposing healthcare and receiving massive political contributions from insurance companies. It’s pretty brutal; read the whole thing here. A few excerpts:

In March of 1911, after a wave of minor factory fires in New York City, the City’s Fire Commissioner issued emergency rules about fire prevention, protection, escape, sprinklers. The City’s Manufacturers Association, in turn, called an emergency meeting to attack the Fire Commissioner and his ‘interference with commerce.’

The new rules were delayed. Just days later, a fire broke out at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory. The door to the fire escape had been bolted shut to keep the employees from leaving prematurely. One hundred and fifty of those employees died, many by jumping from the seventh floor windows to avoid the flames.

Fire fighters setting up their ladders literally had to dodge the falling, often burning, bodies of women.

This was the spirit of the American corporation then. It is the spirit of the American corporation now. It is what the corporation will do, when it is left alone, for a week.

Jeepers. Don’t hold back, Keith.

Because the insurance industry owns the Republican Party. Not exclusively. Pharma owns part of it, too. Hospitals and HMO’s, another part. Nursing homes, they have a share. You name a Republican, any Republican, and he is literally brought to you by campaign donations from the health sector.

Senator John Thune of South Dakota? You gave the Republican rebuttal to the President’s weekly address day before yesterday. You said the Democrats’ plan was for “government run health care that would disrupt our current system, and force millions of Americans who currently enjoy their employer-based coverage into a new health care plan run by government bureaucrats.”

That’s a bald-faced lie, Senator. And you’re a bald-faced liar, whose bald face happens to be covered by your own health care plan run by government bureaucrats…

Senator Thune has thus far received from the Health Sector, campaign contributions – and all these numbers tonight are from “The Center For Responsive Politics” — campaign contributions amounting to one 1,206,176 dollars. So much for Senator Thune.

So much indeed.

…[T]he evil truth is, the Insurance industry, along with Hospitals, HMO’s, Pharma, nursing homes — it owns Democrats, too… Hundreds of Democrats have taken campaign money from the Health Sector without handing over their souls as receipts. But conveniently, the ones who are owned have made themselves easy to spot in a crowd.

They’ve called themselves “Blue Dogs,” and they are out there, hand- in-hand with the Republicans, who they are happy to condemn day and night on everything else, throatily singing “Kumbaya” with the men and women who were bought and sold to defend this con game of an American health care system against the slightest encroachment.

Hee. Kirk and Spock share a…moment.