matthearn.com

The Phillies have turned me into a 13 year old girl. After their big win yesterday, I spent roughly an hour sending text messages to all my friends that said “OMG TEH PHILLIEZ R THA NL EAST CHAMPEENZ!!!1!1!1 WTF LOL” After a while Sarah had to take my phone away and slip me a mickey to get me to chillax.

Nevertheless: The Phillies are the National League East Division Champions, something that hasn’t happened since 1993, which is very nearly half my lifetime ago. Already I’m looking for omens: I realized that the last time the Phillies won a World Series was roughly 2.5 years after my birth, so I started examining statistics to see if the Phillies had out-of-character good years shortly after the birth of new Hearnspawn. Unfortunately the Phillies were the diahrrea of the National League for most of the 20th century, so as far as I could tell, my father’s and grandfather’s births were not harbingers of championships. They weren’t even harbingers of winning seasons, as far as I can tell.

Still. I’ve already ordered my “NL East Champions 2007” tshirt, and not because I’m Happy To Be Here, always the kiss of death for any playoff team, but because I’m hoping they’ll be able to get the bloody thing to me in time to actually wear while watching a game, which seems unlikely because MLB.com is a LIAR! (Their website said they had the shirts already in stock, only to send me an email after I ordered saying that they don’t actually have them, but will TOTALLY ship them when they do, so I sprung for expedited shipping for no bloody reason. Liars.)

I may have to run to Dick’s and load up on Phillies merch, because it is a requirement that I wear something baseball-related on all game days. I feel like a Virginia Tech fan! Except that I don’t have to root for Sean Glennon.