Probable truths
- If you have a pair of dress pants with elastic in the waist, you probably have considered eating Cheetos for breakfast.
- If you have a bumper sticker that says “Pay no attention to my car, my treasure is stored in Heaven,” you probably believe in horoscopes.
- If you think Golden Corral is haute cuisine, you probably collect Mickey Mouse memorabilia.
- If your car’s rear windshield has a decal memorializing a dead relative, your career prospects probably top out at “Manager of Payless Shoes.” Also, one of your many children is probably going to spend some time in prison.
- If you watch TMZ, you probably think an omelet and a frittata are the same thing. In your defense, 98% of the people making “omelets” at supposedly high-class brunch buffets think the same.
- If you name your daughter Madysin, she is probably not going to be appointed a Federal Circuit Court Judge. There’s an outside chance, though, that she might be named to the cabinet of a particularly horrid U.S. President.
- If you once Didn’t Know You Were Pregnant, you probably shave your chin more frequently than the average person of your gender.
- If you are a huge Neil Sedaka fan, you probably buy all your brassieres at CostCo.
- If you are reading this, you are probably either a relative of mine, or have seen me take my pants off at a social event. Or both.
To be continued…
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