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Aaaaand we’re back, and we are also very PIMP, let me tell you. (PIMP = Pleasant Indeed, My Pallies.) Team Hearn took a short vacation to Fenwick Island, where we participated in beach activities such as Tanning, Swimming, Napping, Drinking, and Eating, in no particular order.

Charles behaved admirably, even though he’s still not sleeping through the night, and his food intake fluctuates rather wildly. One day he’ll suck Sarah dry, and then the next he’ll suck Sarah dry AND have to have a few bottles of formula. (This boy knows eating, let me tell you. He is most definitely a Hearn.) Pictures of him at the beach have been posted at his website.

My brother-in-law somehow has inherited a boat, so he brought that down for a day on Tuesday. I was expecting some kind of flat-bottom boat with an outboard motor you had to steer by hand, but instead, he pulls up with a 19-foot fishing boat with an actual steering wheel and stowage and bilge pumps and the like. We went out for a short trip into the bay, but we had no charts, so when we brushed a sandbar, we got a little spooked and decided to head back in so we didn’t drown or get eaten by sharks or something. You never know.

Wednesday we drove up to Rehoboth and spent the day tooling around, including getting Thrasher’s fries and Nicobolis and Cold Stone Ice Cream, all of which was outstanding, and doing some light shopping. I went into Carter’s and managed to talk myself out of buying a $400 sport coat (an easier decision than you might think), and got a tshirt and some cool Slang Flashcards that have to be seen to be believed.

We were able to park behind a friend’s house, which was very secluded, so we decided to just sit in the car and enjoy the air conditioning and avoid the rain and feed Charles, so Sarah whipped at a hooter and stuffed it in his gaping maw.

Then he pooped.

Then he pooped some more.

Then he let loose with what Sarah described as something “long and moist,” and suddenly she felt very warm, and very damp. She broke the suction and hoisted him up to discover that he had demolished

1. His diaper
2. His onesie
3. Her skirt

but luckily, not the car leather. It was truly outstanding. I couldn’t keep from laughing, so thusly I had to change him, which was an extraordinary experience. I do most of his diaper maintenance (it’s only fair; it’s a dirty job, but it’s quick, and Sarah is stuck with the feeding, which is clean but means she’s stuck sitting somewhere 12 times a day for up to an hour per feeding, including 2 or 3 during the course of a night), so I was prepared for it, but it was still quite a blowout. 9 baby wipes, a diaper, and a fresh onesie later, I finished wiping poop out of his hair and handed him back.

Sarah finished feeding, and we got on the road, and that was that. Woooooo.