I’m still not entirely clear why the collective sports media world seems to treat things like this as if they surprise anyone. Barry Bonds WAS aware that he was taking steroids? Wow! What gave it away? The needles? The suddenly bulging biceps? The back acne, aka Bacne?
The media, apparently, didn’t notice his substantial muscle growth either. Or at least, they assume that WE didn’t. I, for one, noticed some rather interesting numbers increases, which of course have been spelt out before, but which I nevertheless resurrect: from 1986 to 2000, his slugging average was a very good .567, and then from 2001 (the year he turned 37) to 2005, it averaged an unheard-of .805.
Also his head grew so large that I became concerned that it might explode during an interleague game and spray the entire infield with grey matter and pus.
To be honest, at this point, I’m not terribly concerned. Ballplayers have been juicing up on something since Abner Doubleday drank a fifth of scotch and started telling his friends that he invented the game. Right now, it’s steroids; before that it was amphetamines. Even Babe Ruth was rumored to have some kind of concoction consisting of bourbon, pig’s blood, and the ocular fluid of a freshly killed hooker. So it’s nothing new. Therefore I’m not entirely certain why I’m even ranting about it.
I guess I should come to my point: I’m not terribly concerned with Barry Bonds use of steroids. Pretty much every statistical record is tainted in some way; the separate single-season home run records for 154 and 162 game seasons was at least semi-warranted since Maris got extra games. He also had the benefit of batting, for much of the season, in front of Mickey Mantle, arguably the best power hitter in baseball at the time. (On the other hand, Ford Frick was a jerk.) I think most of the records should have asterisks by them: Maris’s for coming in 162 games, Bonds and McGwire’s for having injected enough hormones that they are rumored to have grown extra penises, etc. I think efforts that DIDN’T produce records should have asterisks too, like Mantle’s 1956 season in which he knocked 52 dingers: “*Probably would have hit 65 if he hadn’t been more interested in drinking gin and banging showgirls.”
Okay, I’m just being facetious. Still, I’m sure that Barry Bonds is going to be excoriated for what appears to be fairly damning evidence that he took illegal drugs to enhance his performance, and this frustrates me, because I’d like to see him excoriated more for just being an asshole. Which he is. Bonds is known for his truculence, for avoiding his teammates, for ignoring fans. He has his own little corner of the clubhouse in which he eats specially ordered meals (disdaining the pre- and post-game spreads provided by the team). He doesn’t stretch with the team, preferring to do so in a private room with his own trainer. I mean, I understand a little bit of shyness, but this is just a guy that doesn’t care for people that he deems inferior. Even if most of his supposed superiority is because he cheated and juiced up.
It’s amazing how often karma really does work.
