matthearn.com

In order that this site feels less like a juicehead blog and more like something that the average person would actually enjoy reading, I’m taking a quick break from the recounting of my “fitness journey” to hit on a few things that have been bothering me lately.

• Can someone explain to me how the “offsides” rule in soccer came to be? I thought of this during last year’s World Cup (USA! USA! USA!), was reminded of it during this year’s Women’s World Cup, and then again now that the English Premier League season kicked off over the weekend. It’s almost as if some FIFA official sat down one day and said to himself, “There is altogether too much scoring in football, we have to cut down on all these goals.” It’d be like moving the outfield fences 40 feet out to cut down on all those pesky home runs…something I would actively support. My point is…I have no point.


• I would just like to remind everyone that the Phillies are 9 games up on the division and on pace to win 106 games. Daddy like.


• The downside of dieting: sometimes my farts are just unbelievable. I laid a sulfurous bomb at work earlier that subtly altered the DNA of everyone in nearby cubicles. On the plus side, if any of ’em reproduce, the kids should be able to fly, or detect cesium with their toes, or something.


• I was pretty excited to see Michelle Bachmann win…whatever the hell it was that Iowa just did. It wasn’t a primary, right? Just some kind of “proof of concept” vote? Whatever it was, I was pretty stoked. I mean, the GOP’s batting a thousand with its presidential front-runners since 2008: every damn one of them has been bat-shit crazy. I think they’re 3 for 3 now, right? Hopefully Rick Perry will talk more about Texan secessionism or attempts to pray away droughts and they can lock in 4 for 4.


• “Texan Secessionism” would be a pretty pimp name for an alt.country band.


• The other downside of dieting: HOLY CRAP I’M SO HUNGRY ALL THE TIME.


• That reminds me, I need to do a post about Creatine and why it’s very effective and really annoying. So, uh, look for that.


• I cannot recommend highly enough a band I have discovered named “Passion Pit.” The fact that I have now purchased their album means that 1) they’re completely mainstream and everybody already knows about them, and 2) they’ll probably break up within the next two months, but I am a HUGE fan. I’m somewhat indifferent to electropop, but something about PP makes me happy in my bones. Go grab their album “Manners” and give a million listens. Apparently they’re working on a new album to be released next year, which would be hella rad.


• HW and I are having a boy and are having a hell of a time thinking of a name. Any suggestions? I open the floor to you.