The New Dope Ride

Experiments in Expensive and Excessive Eccentricity

For those of you that haven't heard, I have acquired a car (other than my phatty boom batty Ford pickup). On the evening of my birthday (Jan 21), the 1985 Caprice Classic belonging to my good buddy Stefan died on him for the final time, somewhere in Newark. That night, he called and offered it to me. I, of course, being of sound mind and AAA-membership, accepted and had the aforementioned AAA tow it to my house (free hookup and first 3 miles, so I had to pay $2.50 for the remaining 5 miles, meaning I got a car for $12.50).
Ah, the catch: it won't start. Now, for the average American with a limited budget this is a major problem. I, though I don't have a limitless budget, do already have my own (running) automobile (large truck). Thusly I really don't need to fix Stefan's car, I can just learn a great deal about engines by completely taking it apart. First, however, I wish to see if I can make it run. Here is a log of my efforts so far:

Jan 22, 2002 Had the car towed home. Tried to start it up; it sounds like the engine is turning over, but it won't catch. I'm thinking either a fuel delivery problem, or an ignition issue.

Jan 23, 2002 Went out in the daylight for a better look at the car. Tried to push it a bit further up the driveway with no luck; managed to push it back with the bumper of the truck without breaking anyting (thank God). Popped the hood; it's feckin' filthy under there. I'll need to get an engine degreaser or something to clean it off nice. Tried to jump start it with my truck (on the offchance the battery was just too low); it definitely cranked with a bit more gusto, but still won't catch. I'll have to try more after I get back from my long weekend looking for abodes in Richmond.

Jan 24, 2002 Posted a query in the autorepair section of the about.com forums. I'll see if I get some good suggestions.

Jan 28, 2002 Got some responses to my query:
1) Take off the air cleaner and pour a little gas into the carb. Try to start the car. If it works, you have a fuel delivery problem; try replacing the oil pump.
2) One guy had the same problem with the same car and the same engine and it turned out to be a cracked head with coolant getting into the chambers; said changing the spark plugs would fix it for a while, but would fail again soon. This option really sucks.
3) Valve train might be bad; check the chain.
I picked up 8 new spark plugs and a bottle of engine degreaser on the way home. Probably won't be light enough to change the plugs. I probably won't get to that until Wednesday, if I can get home from work with enough light to do it. The engine cleaner is rather toxic and I'll need a water hose; I don't have a hose that'll reach the car at the moment, so I'll need to get it started, and then I'll probably just drive it to a carwash (not that that's legal at the moment; the plates are about 18 months expired).
I did, however, take the air cleaner off (the filter was nasty; I'll have to remember to get a new one shortly) and try to fire the engine, only to discover that leaving the key in the "on" position, even with the engine off, completely drained the battery over the weekend while I was out of town. I hooked up the ol' jumpers to the truck and tried to fire it; I got that "battery dead" clicking noise, which was better than the "nothing at all" noise I got before, but not enoug to turn the starter. I left the truck running to charge the Caprice's battery, assembled my new lawn mower, and came back. The car would turn over but wouldn't start. I tried to pour some gas into the carb but my gascan is retarded and I think I didn't really get any in there. Tried to start it anyway, no dice. By then it was significantly dark and I really couldn't see what the hell I was doing. Tomorrow I have to work with the high school urchins, so any more work will have to wait until Wednesday.
I ordered a shop manual and a performance mod book from Amazon; hopefully they'll come by the end of the week or early next week so I can try and troubleshoot with greater accuracy.

Feb 3, 2002 So I went to change the spark plugs. Got 5 done, broke one of the plug wires, and decided the plugs were so filthy with dirt, oil, and rust, that there's all kinds of internal problems I need to check out before trying to get this thing running. Rather frightening was the fact that the plugs I pulled out were not the same length as the ones Pep Boys gave me to put in. Hm. Oh well. I'll try and get the carburetor off soon, get the intake and heads off, take a look at the block.

Feb 9, 2002 I've been able to disconnect just about everything on the carb but the fuel lines! There are inexplicably TWO metal pipe fuel lines, one to each float bowl, I imagine. Never occurred to me there might be two float bowls, but in a 4 barrel I guess that makes sense. The fuel lines are turning out to be a cast iron bitch; they have garden-hose-style pipe fittings, which I can loosen from the carb, but not from the pipe, so they don't turn freely. Annoyingly, the front fuel line is getting a bit twisted up, and I suspect it won't be long before it crimps and starts leaking.

Feb 16, 2002 Yep, it's crimped like a bitch now. Oh well. Since I'll have to replace it anyway (with either a cool metal-braided hose, or a replacement part from a junkyard) I just cut it. The back fuel line I can sort of get off 'cause I can detach it at the other end, right in front of the firewall, and though there's a bracket holding it in place you can wiggle it about a good bit. Then I just rotated the carb on the flange until it came right off. Whatever works, eh? Started trying to loosen up the intake manifold, but I can't quite see all the nuts (it's FILTHY) and two of them are at such an angle that I'll need a 9/16" boxhead wrench, which I do not have. Also, it might be a good idea to drain the fluids out of the car, since I'm definitely getting to the point where I'm going to start leaking oil and water all over the place. I'm short on containers, but I'll figure something out and hopefully get on it next week.

Jan 22, 2002	Had the car towed home. Tried to start it up; it sounds like the engine is turning over, but it won't catch. I'm thinking either a fuel delivery problem, or an ignition issue.
Jan 23, 2002	Went out in the daylight for a better look at the car. Tried to push it a bit further up the driveway with no luck; managed to push it back with the bumper of the truck without breaking anyting (thank God). Popped the hood; it's feckin' filthy under there. I'll need to get an engine degreaser or something to clean it off nice. Tried to jump start it with my truck (on the offchance the battery was just too low); it definitely cranked with a bit more gusto, but still won't catch. I'll have to try more after I get back from my long weekend looking for abodes in Richmond.
Jan 24, 2002	Posted a query in the autorepair section of the about.com forums. I'll see if I get some good suggestions.
Jan 28, 2002	Got some responses to my query: 1) Take off the air cleaner and pour a little gas into the carb. Try to start the car. If it works, you have a fuel delivery problem; try replacing the oil pump. 2) One guy had the same problem with the same car and the same engine and it turned out to be a cracked head with coolant getting into the chambers; said changing the spark plugs would fix it for a while, but would fail again soon. This option really sucks. 3) Valve train might be bad; check the chain. I picked up 8 new spark plugs and a bottle of engine degreaser on the way home. Probably won't be light enough to change the plugs. I probably won't get to that until Wednesday, if I can get home from work with enough light to do it. The engine cleaner is rather toxic and I'll need a water hose; I don't have a hose that'll reach the car at the moment, so I'll need to get it started, and then I'll probably just drive it to a carwash (not that that's legal at the moment; the plates are about 18 months expired). I did, however, take the air cleaner off (the filter was nasty; I'll have to remember to get a new one shortly) and try to fire the engine, only to discover that leaving the key in the "on" position, even with the engine off, completely drained the battery over the weekend while I was out of town. I hooked up the ol' jumpers to the truck and tried to fire it; I got that "battery dead" clicking noise, which was better than the "nothing at all" noise I got before, but not enoug to turn the starter. I left the truck running to charge the Caprice's battery, assembled my new lawn mower, and came back. The car would turn over but wouldn't start. I tried to pour some gas into the carb but my gascan is retarded and I think I didn't really get any in there. Tried to start it anyway, no dice. By then it was significantly dark and I really couldn't see what the hell I was doing. Tomorrow I have to work with the high school urchins, so any more work will have to wait until Wednesday. I ordered a shop manual and a performance mod book from Amazon; hopefully they'll come by the end of the week or early next week so I can try and troubleshoot with greater accuracy.
Feb 3, 2002	So I went to change the spark plugs. Got 5 done, broke one of the plug wires, and decided the plugs were so filthy with dirt, oil, and rust, that there's all kinds of internal problems I need to check out before trying to get this thing running. Rather frightening was the fact that the plugs I pulled out were not the same length as the ones Pep Boys gave me to put in. Hm. Oh well. I'll try and get the carburetor off soon, get the intake and heads off, take a look at the block.
Feb 9, 2002	I've been able to disconnect just about everything on the carb but the fuel lines! There are inexplicably TWO metal pipe fuel lines, one to each float bowl, I imagine. Never occurred to me there might be two float bowls, but in a 4 barrel I guess that makes sense. The fuel lines are turning out to be a cast iron bitch; they have garden-hose-style pipe fittings, which I can loosen from the carb, but not from the pipe, so they don't turn freely. Annoyingly, the front fuel line is getting a bit twisted up, and I suspect it won't be long before it crimps and starts leaking.
Feb 16, 2002	Yep, it's crimped like a bitch now. Oh well. Since I'll have to replace it anyway (with either a cool metal-braided hose, or a replacement part from a junkyard) I just cut it. The back fuel line I can sort of get off 'cause I can detach it at the other end, right in front of the firewall, and though there's a bracket holding it in place you can wiggle it about a good bit. Then I just rotated the carb on the flange until it came right off. Whatever works, eh? Started trying to loosen up the intake manifold, but I can't quite see all the nuts (it's FILTHY) and two of them are at such an angle that I'll need a 9/16" boxhead wrench, which I do not have. Also, it might be a good idea to drain the fluids out of the car, since I'm definitely getting to the point where I'm going to start leaking oil and water all over the place. I'm short on containers, but I'll figure something out and hopefully get on it next week.