Attention all able-bodied people within driving distance of New Castle County! We're getting the band back together. Wait...not band...softball team. Yeah, that's it.

Milo and I are determined that this is the year we sign for organized co-ed softball. And we need people, particularly chicks. So if you have any interest in playing very low-key softball, on a team of people who can barely tie their own shoes, let alone hit an object flying at them at 25 mph, shoot me an email at spam (the IZAT) matthearn (the DIZOT) com.

We're planning to have a team of about 20 people, and we'll play doubleheaders every Friday night from late April until early July, so everybody will have a chance to play every week. Having that many people also means that when people have to be absent, it ain't no thang. Also, it cuts down on the share of the $400 team fee that everybody has to pay.

Important information can be found at the New Castle County Sports Department website. Initial investment should be around $20 a person, if we can get 20 people, and then we have to buy shirts, which I may make myself with iron-on patches, which makes things pretty cheap, plus we have to pay umpires, which amounts to $15 a game or something (from the whole team, not $15 per person), so I think we can come up with that.

Also important: we're pretty sure our team name is going to be the "Prancibald Duckshirts." If that makes no sense to you, turn your speakers on and go here.

Most important: If you're sitting there going, "I dunno if I can do this . . ." permit me to pick apart your worries in FAQ format:

I'm not very good at softball. I don't want to be embarrassed.
Yeah, we suck. I fully expect to go 2-16, and laugh uproariously while doing so. It's gonna be awesome.

I can't make any games in May because I have rehearsal/foot surgery/I'm coming out of the closet/my mom will be washing my hair/methadone rehab!
That's why we want to have a large squad. If I get the part I want, I'll have performances on Friday evenings for 3 weeks in May, so I'll miss those games without a doubt. It's all grood.

I don't have a glove or a bat or anything!
I'm sure between 20 people we can come up with enough bats and gloves to outfit us. Just show up.

The voices in my head tell me softball is the devil.
Take a frickin' Xanex and get to the field, bozo.