Daniel Stoddard has alerted me to this: Jack Chick's New Movie! And I can't really imagine anything that would excite me more. Let's take a look!

Have you ever read a Chick tract?

I sure have, and I wanted to talk to Jack about this. The phrase "Chick Tract" makes me think of the gastrointestinal properties of pigeons. Jack, any chance you could go with a different name? "Chick Pamphet?" "The Gospel According to Chick?" Just about anything would be an improvement here. (If you HAVEN'T actually read a Chick Tract, here's a good one with which to start.)

If so, you know that God has enabled Jack Chick to present the gospel in a way people can't resist. In this brand new film, The Light of The World, Jack Chick uses that God-given ability to deliver the gospel in an even more compelling and dramatic format.

More compelling and dramatic than a Chick Tract? I'm not sure I could keep from pooping my pants!

Ways you can use this film:

• Show it at Bible studies or cell groups, looking up the Scriptures as you go.

Cell groups? Huh? Is Christianity now a terrorist organization? I must have missed a memo.

• Invite friends and neighbors to watch it in your home.

"Hey Steve, wanna go to the Eagles game with me on Sunday? My dad had to back out due to contracting tuberculosis."

"No way, dude! I'm spending Sunday afternoon at the Hearns watching the Jack Chick video again! Say, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Personal Saviour^TM?"

• Give a copy as a gift to friends or relatives who need Jesus.

"Okay sweetie, I know how much you wanted that pearl necklace we saw at Walmart, but you're going to LOVE this instead!"

In a day when many Christians are producing watered-down, politically-correct films,

Yeah, "The Passion of the Christ" was rather dull and uneventful.

The Light of the World provides exactly what you would expect from Jack Chick-a straightforward, biblically accurate, no-punches-pulled presentation of the gospel with a compelling salvation appeal.

Compelling. Salvation. Appeal. Man, that might be just a marketing gimmick, but I am frickin' SOLD.

Know any unsaved people who watch TV?

Man, who doesn't? I sit in front of the tube, watching Beavis and Butthead, and I'm definitely wondering: there's got to be someone out there like me! How can I reach him and make him accept Jesus Christ as his Personal Saviour^TM?

Many who have seen advanced screenings of this film have been moved to tears.

Yes, just like "Ishtar!"

You can almost feel the crackling flames of hell as you watch!

That's all I needed to hear. When I'm watching a religious video (which happens ALL THE TIME at Hearndom II), I definitely want to feel like I'm creme brulée.

In short, people, Hearn needs a copy of this video, and he needs it NOW. I wonder if Chick would let me use my DVD burner to just make a bunch of copies of the video to share with everyone I know! I mean, I just want to make sure everybody I know accepts Jesus Christ as his or her Personal Savior^TM! That's got to trump international copyright law, right?