I'm getting a little concerned with my ability to find quality merchandise at low, low, LOW prices. Time was, I could find a great deal on things like computers, underwear, cigar store indians, minor league hockey teams, etc., but apparently my skills have waned.

It's not that I'm missing the deals; I'm still buying stuff at significant discounts. However, the quality of the material I'm getting seems to be particularly crappy recently.

Example 1: Lawnmower. When we bought the house, I knew I'd have to snag a lawnmower, and so I went to the used mower sale up at Toro (corner of Foulk and Shipley; everybody in New Castle County is now nodding). They had a deal on a nice big used 2-cycle push-mower for $100, and the guy would throw in some 2-cycle oil. I said "sold!" and threw that jaunt in the truck.

It seemed to run fine for a while, except that after about 3 mowings I realized the thing leaked gas. The tank holds something like a half-gallon of gas, which should suffice to mow my 5000 square foot lawn at least twice, but I'd fill it up, mow, sit it in the garage with a half a tank left, and next week when I went out it would be almost empty. Oh well. I just fill it half full and file weekly environmental impact statements, no big deal.

Except last week, I went out and tried to start it, and the pull cord was sticking. No problem, the second pull got it started. But yesterday: no dice. The pull cord was sticking, and I'd get it loose enough and give a yank, and it wouldn't catch. Then the pull cord would stick again. After a while, I think I flooded it, which I wasn't aware you could do, but when I pulled the air filter (which is basically a sponge) off, it was soaked in gas. Oh well. Hopefully it'll run this afternoon, else I have to try and find the receipt and take it back to Toro. I have a one year warranty on it, but I'm not sure how I'll mow my lawn for the next month if they have to fix it. Eventually my neighbors will vote me out of the bridge club.

Also, I now have a blister on my left hand from jerking the starter cord roughly 37,384 times.

Example 2: Dryer. Got it in December for $300, or 40% off the $499 retail price, by going to the Sears Outlet Warehouse on 273. They sell scratch-and-dent stuff, things that customers have returned, that kind of thing. Anyway, it ran fine up until the end of May, and now it does not produce heat. I figured it might be because the exhaust tube was crimped, and sure it enough, that thing was pinched off like it had gotten a cheap vasectomy.

After ripping a new hole in the wall behind the dryer to line everything back up, and fixing the crimped part, I plugged everything back in. Still no heat. I'm rather at a loss, and of course I can't find my receipt, so I have no idea how to make Maytag come fix it. Right now we're air fluffing our clothes dry, which reduces shrinkage (and we're all about reducing shrinkage at Hearndom II), but takes approximately 4 days per load.

I was going to pull the thing out into the family room and take a look at it yesterday, but unfortunately I forgot and spent the evening playing poker (up $2 for the day, $5 lifetime) and watching "Rounders."

Example 3: Camera. My Olympus is a reasonably nice camera, but unfortunately it suffers from several fatal flaws:

• No external flash, so any indoor picture is nothing but red eyes. It's like all my friends are vampires. I mean, they are blood sucking vermin, but I think it's more of a lifestyle choice more than a genetic mutation or anything.
• It stores pictures SLOWLY. So if I take a picture, and realize instantly that the guy with the mullet walked behind another person just as I take the shot, I have to wait one or two seconds before I can hit the button again. It's even worse if I'm using the crappy on-board flash, which takes upwards of 15 seconds to recharge.
• A flaw in the optical sensor that sticks a couple of bright green pixels in the lower portion of most of my pictures.
• An owner who knows as much about photography as he does about the mating habits of plankton.

I must be losing my touch, assuming I ever had one. Early on-set Alzheimer's, perhaps? Oh well, at least I'm still beautiful. I think. I can't remember.

UPDATE: The mower was indeed flooded, and possibly a bit over-oiled. After taking the filter off and opening the throttle wide enough, I could hear it trying to catch when I pulled the cord. After 10 or 300 more attempts it finally stayed running, although it was belching white smoke. I put some straight gas in to try and counteract the overoiled situation, and it worked like a charm. Yes, as it turns out, I am hell of smart.