I need a camera phone. Not because like taking pictures of things and sharing them with my friends on a regular basis. I need one right now so I can take a picture of my hair and show you why I want to shave it off.

Matt's hair does not
look like this today

In order to make it do anything, I have to put what amounts to candle-wax in it, and that doesn't always help, plus it takes THREE latherings of cheap shampoo to get it out. (Suave: 99 cents a bottle, and you get what you pay for.) This morning, I put my usual slather of pomade in it, and mushed it (kinda like playdough) into a reasonable facsimile of Kyan Douglas' (the hot one on Queer Eye) coif. Went downstairs, made myself a tasty egg sandwich, gather'd my stuff up, and made my first major mistake of the day:

I put on a hat.

What can I say? It's cold outside. Weatherbug reports it's currently 15 degrees out there. Ain't no way I was gonna have my ears be cold for the 15 foot walk from the house to the truck, and the 50 foot walk from the truck to my office building. Cold ears are Satan's Breakfast, as dear old Great-Aunt Missoula liked to remark. (Alcoholism runs rampant in that side of the family.)

Now, when my hair is dry, I can put on a hat, and then when I pull it off just mush my hair back into position. This morning, though, my hair was wet. I forgot that part of the equation, and didn't realize my error until I pulled off my watchcap and felt the damage. A quick run to the bathroom confirmed my fears: I looked like Don King, if Don King's barber had cerebral palsy.

I tried to do a little mushing (Er...zhuzhing), but I was not having much luck. So I wet my hair, hoping to start over from scratch . . . oh boy. Now I look like a horribly sweaty Don King. I give up! So tonight I want to shave my head. Sarah says "hell no," but she can't do anything when she's locked in a bathroom.

In other news, Wednesday was my birthday! Happy Birthday to me! I am now 26 years of age, though I don't look a day over 19, despite the wrinkles and extreme obesity. Sarah got me a UD NCAA Division I-AA National Football Champions t-shirt (which I am sporting today) and everything I need to run a wireless network in my house, which I will probably set up this weekend. Once that's done I'll get started setting up all my old computers, including my linux machine. At some point I'll have to buy a wireless bridge to connect up my P2, and later on when I get ReplayTV I suppose I'll need to bring home this little 10Mbit hub I have here at work.

Are your eyes glazed over now? If so, good news! You're not a dork like me! And you should be proud. Even if I make more money.

UPDATE: My hair has calmed down a little bit. Now I look like a more normal Don King.