It's list day!

List of Things You Probably Didn't Know About Matt Hearn (And Will Almost Certainly Wish He Hadn't Put On The Web For All Of Creation to See)

• The other night, I dreamt I head-butted a nun by accident. Seriously.
• As I type this, I have a Bob Wills tune sung by Willie Nelson and Asleep At The Wheel running through my head.
• Sometimes, I get nasty rashes in deeply personal areas.
• When I type nonsensical UNIX commands, I often have to suppress a giggle. Example: earlier this week I typed touch rar, which does nothing but create an empty file named "rar" in whatever directory I happened to be sitting. For no apparent reason, I almost laughed out loud.
• I'm 75% certain that I'm going to die suddenly in some kind of accident or violent encounter. Why I believe this, I do not know, although it could be that I drive too fast and like to pick fights with midgets.
• In the 2000 elections, I voted a straight Libertarian ticket, except where there was no LP candidate available. For those positions I wrote in Coco Chanel.
• I exfoliate on non-shaving days with Apricot Scrub.
• I have a cat named JD. She is actually not named after Jack Daniel's, but Jefferson Davis. (This tidbit of info greatly surprises folks that have been to bars with me.)
• Now I have "Milkshake" stuck in my head, thanks to Doug. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their life is better than yours . . . and now you feel my pain.
• I typed a lengthy column about last Saturday's football game, and Blogger failed to save it when I hit "Post." I yelled many bad words at my laptop. (I'm going to the game this weekend too; I'll write about that next week.)
• I enjoy pinching elbow skin. While this may sound kinky, it's not sexual at all. I swear. Seriously.
• I own a mullet wig.
• This column sucks.